


Let's pretend we're not afraid

by Jeageractive



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cuddles and fluff, M/M, Organ Transplantation, i've been dying to write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-09 05:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1970499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeageractive/pseuds/Jeageractive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Eren is in dire need of an unavailable Kidney donor, and the only thing stopping Levi from offering his own are his parents.</p><p>"We'll share. One for you, one for me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's pretend we're not afraid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katcchako](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katcchako/gifts), [Fangirling_Hanji_Noises](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirling_Hanji_Noises/gifts).



> This was supposed to be only cuteness. Then I realized I haven't written much for the legacy recently.
> 
> Also this is gifted to those two lovely babes who can write so well and totally do not deserve something this shitty but, well.

Eren was a lot of things. He was pretty, for one, Levi didn't want to go melodrama drastic and call him beautiful, but he was. He was animated, nothing ever comes out out of him half hearted- and he had a pretty bad tendency to pour his heart and entire being into what he likes. Eren was quite clumsy, too, couldn't do grace to save his life, but it just made him all the more endearing. Levi wasn't sure what his life was like before he met the little shit. He'd grown that bad on him. 

They said stupid things, made empty promises because really-they didn't have the ultimate choice of leaving each other or not. But they did because it was comforting, overlooking reality always did come with a certain bliss. It's always short lived, though.

Levi shouldn't have overlooked many things. Because maybe they wouldn't be in this situation if he'd noticed earlier.

"Just a decrease in iron, most likely." Grisha decided to offer in some sort of consolation, but Levi knew he was lying.

The doctor was slightly bewildered."How did none of his family members notice? He's at end stage renal disease. It's irreversible."

Levi couldn't remember what that meant.

"His kidneys are no longer functional. He needs to undergo kidney transplantation."

There was no available donor to match Eren's blood, and of course, both Grisha and Carla were the first to run some blood tests. Carla was an A, Grisha was a B. Eren's blood type was an O and it limited him to donors O only.

They were quickly running out of time.

Levi spent a lot of those days with his head resting against the side of Eren's bed, hand firmly locked with others like a lifeline as he pondered his dilemma. Maybe his blood type wouldn't match. He didn't want to know, because his last resort would be destroyed then.

Eren acted like it was nothing in front of him, but Levi saw right through it and pretended it was aright, too.

Eren was acting especially more distant one morning, eyes locked on the clear sky and string of clouds through the small window and answers lacking any real enthusiasm.

"Levi." He murmured softly, and it was strange because they'd fell in a habit of keeping the silence prevalent.

"Yes?"

"Am I dying?"

If Eren had slapped him, it wouldn't hurt as much. He swallowed the emotional clog in his throat and averted his gaze."No." it wasn't a complete lie.

"It's okay."

He wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up, because what was he saying all of a sudden."I won't let you."

Eren smiled forlornly, eyes finding the window again."That's one thing you can't do."

Maybe. Maybe he could.

He couldn't believe it. He absolutely could _not_ comprehend this. His parents were being such fucking jerks he wanted to do something he'd most definitely regret later.

"You're not going to. Do you understand? You will stop thinking about it this moment."

"Who said we're even going to match? I just want to get my blood work done, what's wrong with that?"

"Levi, you don't understand what you're getting yourself into."

"And you don't fucking understand that Eren is _dying_. This is a safe solution, so many people have underwent this operation-"

"But there's long term affects-"

"Fuck you." Levi wasn't going to stand around and hear their bullshit. But at the same time he couldn't do anything- he was seventeen and without his parents signing his papers he couldn't even think about donating.

Come morning, and he gets ready to go to the hospital like every other day, and he feels just a little guilty at the sight of his sleepless and worried mother.

"We'll go get your blood work done today, okay?" She'd thought about it way too much and then resigned.

Levi felt something lift off of his shoulders."Okay."

By the time the results came out, it was mid afternoon and Levi had lost all of his patience. But it was worth the wait.

"He's an O. Their proximity in age is another advantage, and if everything goes to plan, then their should be no issues with the donation and reception of the organ."

Levi would've laughed, would've cried when that was alleviated if he was the type to be that expressive, but he couldn't do anything other than sigh a small sigh of relief and pay a small amount of attention to his mother's pale face.

He didn't tell Eren, because he might throw a fit and get in the way. All he needed to know was that there was a donor.

"It's going to be alright after this is all over."

"Are you still taking me there?" There it was, that small spark of hope in his eyes again. Levi couldn't ask for more.

"Of course. Remember our promise? I'll carry you and toss you in there." Eren laughed a little, and Levi cracked a small smile. Eren was so hell bent on going to the ocean that Levi told him he was so running with him across the beach and catapulting him into the water, and like the dork he was, Eren held him accountable for his words. 

They let him stay with Eren for a while before the operation, and he was exceptionally angry at him for not letting him know.

"I'm not going in there." Eren gritted, crossing his arms over his chest and glowering o the side.

"Like hell you aren't." Levi gave him a nudge and Eren reluctantly scooted over anyway, Levi settling beside him to the best of his ability without disturbing any of the wires or machines. He crossed an ankle over the other, and hoped a nurse wouldn't walk in on them and bitch about his actions.

"What are you doing?" Eren's angry facade was quickly dissipating.

"What does it look like?" He pulled out a packet of gum and offered Eren some, who again turned away and ate a piece himself with a shrug. He made himself a bit more comfortable and a waited a few more seconds before trying anything with his angry boyfriend. He felt like he was on a time crunch with only an hour left, and something told him they shouldn't be spending this hour grumpy because who knew what would happen next?

"Eren, come one, if I told you you'd never agree."

"Exactly why should've told me!"

"You're suicidal, I had to take things into my own hands."

"You're _stupid_." Eren was still blowing gaskets.

"Sorry babe, can't change who we are."

"You'll never be able to live normally again. It's like, being on a diet for the rest of your life."

"Yeah, so are you." Levi shrugged a shoulder."We'll just have to remind each other to stay on our diet."

"Levi, you're not taking me seriously."

"Of course I am. Mi casa es su casa."

Eren slapped him on the shoulder lightly, lips twitching a little. His eyes idly trailed towards his chest."Isn't that my sweater?"

"Mayyybe." Levi looked away pointedly.

"I've been looking for it ever since..."

"Ever since I took it." Levi gave him the smolder smile, and Eren rolled his eyes so he'd still look grumpy even though he wasn't.

"It'll be all my fault if something happens to you."

Levi idly traced the back of Eren's hand as he pondered that."Nothing comes without a risk. But we won't be doing anything if we only think about the risks, right? We'll share. One for you, one for me."

"Mm." Eren hummed in slight approval, an amused smile adorning his lips. Levi checked the time to find only a few minutes left.

"Convinced yet?"

"Sorta."

"Let's cuddle, then."

"Dork."

"Says _you_?" Levi shot back as he lowered the upper part of the bed. Eren merely stuck his tongue out at him before burying his face in the crook of his neck.

"Why did you wear jeans, goddammit." Eren grumbled when Levi tangled their legs out of habit, and Levi snickered because Eren went hipster when it came to his apparel.

"They're not _that_ uncomfortable."

"They're scratchy."

"You only live one darn time."

"Way to paraphrase." Despite his annoyed tone, Eren still nuzzled his nose against his neck fondly. Levi didn't like the frightened feeling that washed over him every time Eren pressed a kiss to the junction of his collarbones.

"Love you lots." Eren murmured sleepily.

He didn't want to be scared now."Not as much as I do."

"We can have this argument later."

If Eren noticed the pick up of his heart beat then he didn't say anything, but the tight grip around Levi's shoulders said much more than words.

-

It was beautiful, the overpowering smells and noises and winds that took over his senses, he was at the terminal of his dreams and it felt very real.

It felt real because it weighed heavily on his shoulders, it wasn't as light it as it was in his dreams. It wasn't an endless pit of various life anymore-it was a black hole of death and wrecks and fear. The tide that grasped at his toes was icy and morbid, and the heavy air was suffocating him.

He'd reached the ocean at last-alone. And suddenly he hated and feared it so much.

Levi was so fucking stupid, and Eren doesn't cast a single once of the blame on him. It was all his own fault. For getting sick. For having a shitty blood type. For letting the person he loved the most risk so much for him. Levi was wrong, he should've thought of the risks.

He'd woken up in the operation room and nearly everyone was screaming and yelling at each other, Levi's father at his wife, his mother at the doctor, the doctor at the amateur nurse. Useless, so fucking useless. There were so many people clad in garbs surrounding Levi's bed, he couldn't  even see him, but all he needed to see was the wrist-coating of blood on their hands every time they retreated a little. Then the straight line on the heart monitor, and then the useless defibrillator. 

He'd nearly lost it when they'd draped the sheets over his head. But what could he do? Absolutely nothing. All he had left was Levi's blood running through him and the scar he hates the most adorning his side.

He should have been the one to die. The risk was more prevalent to the receiver.

But he didn't. And now he's left to pretend that he liked this endless pit, but he's done pretending. He hates it. He hates Levi's parents for signing those papers. And he hates himself for being so fucking useless.

Levi told him one last thing that he just can't seem to do.

_Close your eyes if you feel lonely. Listen a little to your heartbeat, then you'll know I'm there._

 

**Author's Note:**

> OLD HABITS DIE HARD
> 
> CHEESY ENDINGS DON'T DIE IN THE FIRST PLACE
> 
> Muahahaha
> 
> I need to kill Levi more often. Also is Levi ooc in here? Sure feels like it.


End file.
